‘Didn’t even want to be here’: Red Sox star reveals he attempted suicide in 2022

Boston Red Sox All-Star outfielder Jarren Duran revealed he attempted suicide amid struggles on and off the field in 2022 during a Netflix docuseries, "The Clubhouse: A Year with the Red Sox."

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Boston Red Sox All-Star outfielder Jarren Duran attempted suicide in 2022, he revealed in a Netflix documentary.

Duran, 28, divulged about his low point and struggles with mental health in “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox,” an eight-part docuseries which premieres April 8.

While the lefty-hitting Duran led MLB with 48 doubles and 14 triples last season, his first few seasons in the Bigs in 2021 and 2022 were marred with struggles on the field – which exacerbated mental health struggles off the field.

“I’d go out to center and hear, ‘Go back to Triple A, you don’t belong here.’ They didn’t know how hard I was trying,” Duran said during episode four, “Still Alive,” of the docuseries. “I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every (expletive) day. I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me, [it was like], ‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.’ That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore ...”

Duran was then asked by director Greg Whiteley, “When you say ‘here,’ you mean ‘here’ with the Red Sox or ‘here’ on planet Earth?”

“Probably both,” Duran said. “Yeah. Probably both. I got to a point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened. So, to this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off.

“I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason’, so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off. I was like, ‘Do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?’ That happened for a reason and obviously, you’re here for a reason so let’s be the way you want to be and play you want to play and live the way you want to live,” he added.

The title of episode four, “Still Alive,” refers to the phrase Duran writes on his wrist tape before each game to remind himself of his mental health journey.

“On [the tape on] my left wrist, I write, ‘[expletive] ‘em’, because it’s me telling my demons, ‘You’re not going to faze me’,” Duran said. “And on my right wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ because I’m still here and I’m still fighting.”

In the wake of his revelation, Duran received support from those throughout the Red Sox organization, including president and CEO Sam Kennedy.

“Jarren’s decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,” Kennedy said in a statement, per MLB.com. “By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential.

“Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team,” he added.

Despite his early career struggles, last season Duran proved to be one of the most productive players in MLB. Aside from leading the league in doubles and triples, he hit .285 with 21 home runs, 75 RBI and 34 stolen bases in 2024. He also earned his first All-Star selection – and was named All-Star Game MVP – while also finishing eighth in American League MVP voting.

“My inner demons don’t let me love myself or want to be proud of myself, that’s something I’m still working on,” Duran said.

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