The Oscars Most Cringeworthy and Bizarre Moments Ever
The Oscars are live, which means anything can happen at it usually does. Here are some of the show's most cringeworthy and bizarre moments.
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âBritain doesn't rule the waves â it waives the rules for anything Trump wantsâ
Everything will be peachy as long as we keep toddler Trump happy, and as there are no depths our diminished country wonâ??t plumb to win his approval, hereâ??s Brian Reade's plan to win him over
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Everything will be peachy as long as we keep toddler Trump happy, and as there are no depths our diminished country wonât plumb to win his approval, hereâs Brian Reade's plan to win him overOne of the only things that floated Trumpâs boat this week was the AI-generated video of him and Putin lounging on a beach in the âGaza Rivieraâ (
Image: TRUTH SOCIAL)
THE world may very well be burning to a cinder as temperatures rise and the ice caps melt.
We may well be creating a generation of robots so intelligent they will reduce the human race to serfdom. And the World Health Organization may be warning that a new pandemic is inevitable, which could kill 20 times as many as Covid-19.
Yet global politicians are telling their people that the most pressing issue facing them is how to stay on the good side of an unhinged 78-year-old former reality TV star and convicted felon, with the attention span of a dying flea and a love for nothing but himself.
President Macron tried to win the US President over with knee-pumping male joshing, desperately hoping Le Bromance would make Donald Trump a Francophile.
Keir Starmer prayed that a royal invite and some waffle about shared values would seduce him into pumping gasps of air into the twitching corpse of our Special Relationship. And the manchild seemed suitably charmed.
But the only things that truly floated Trumpâs boat this week were the AI-generated video of him lounging on a beach in the âGaza Rivieraâ he pines for, and Ukraine agreeing to give him a huge chunk of their mineral wealth.
Heâs basically a toddler who needs attention and treats. And as there are no depths our diminished country wonât plumb to win his approval, hereâs my plan to win Trump over and secure a golden future.
He loves golf, so give him all of our famous courses, rename the British Open the Trump Open and change the Claret Jug trophy to the Orange Jug. He wants canals, so give him The Manchester Ship Canal, and cold islands, so give him The Shetlands.
He likes stretches of water to be named after things he loves, so letâs call the English Channel the Fox News Channel, and rename the North Sea the Drill, Baby, Drill Sea.
He hates fake news so letâs close down all right-wing newspapers. He likes walls, so give him Hadrianâs. Or even better, build one around every Mexican restaurant. Call the Special Relationship the Really Tremendous Relationship, change a full English breakfast to a full American, and offer to build him an even bigger column than Nelsonâs in Trafalgar Square. In gold.
But most of all give him the thing he has always coveted due to his Freudian obsession with his Scottish mother: let him be king.
Turn Buckingham Palace into Trump Tower and let him sit on a gaudy, gold throne with Camilla by his side. (No sheâs too old, heâll need a much younger version, so maybe ask Andrew to go through his contacts.)
Elevate his son Barron into a Duke, put the Tate brothers in charge of his staffing department, give McDonaldâs the contract for all royal banquets, let Boris Johnson be court jester, and make Nigel Farage the Groom of the Stool (using his hands in Trumpâs toileting area will make a change from aiming his tongue there).
And when we invite King Donald I over for his state coronation, letâs change the words to Rule Britannia from âBritain rules the wavesâ to âBritain waives the rules for anything Trump wantsâ. Only then can Britain hold its head up in the world again, knowing weâve regained our dignity.
Have a nice day.
 — Kingda Ka, once the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world, is now a pile of rubble after it wasRead More %23kingdaka)
