Dear Abby: Should I endure my ex’s hostility to have a relationship with my grandson?
Dear Abby: I want to have a close relationship with my grandson, but it may also mean I may have to put up with my ex, who remains hostile toward me 20 years after our divorce. What should I do?
Dear Abby: I want to have a close relationship with my grandson, but it may also mean I may have to put up with my ex, who remains hostile toward me 20 years after our divorce. What should I do? Getty Images/Image Source
Dear Abby: My ex-husband and I share a 3-year-old grandchild through our son. Until now, it hasn’t been a big problem because I live in the same city as my son’s family, but that’s about to change. My grandson is the joy of my life, and I plan to visit wherever they move after my son’s job transfer. I had been considering a move back to our hometown. Unbeknownst to me, my son has also been considering a move back there.
The problem for me is that my ex-husband still lives there, and he’s inclined to take over and monopolize the child in the same way he did with our son. He remains hostile toward me 20 years after our divorce.
Part of me says I need to be willing to put up with the pain of being in close proximity to my ex to be near my grandson. However, it reminds me strongly of staying married to him for the sake of what I perceived to be our children’s well-being. In hindsight that was, of course, misguided. Despite my reservations, should I set aside my doubts, move back to my home city and see what happens?
-- Decisions to Make
Dear Decisions: Discuss your reservations with your son and daughter-in-law. If your ex-husband tries to monopolize their child, could they put the brakes on it? On the plus side, you are not the same woman you were 20 years ago. I’d like to think that you are stronger and smarter now. If I’m right, while your ex may present a pain in the behind, it would be a tolerable pain, and you would have the access you want to your grandchild.
Previously
Dear Abby: Alcoholism ended our marriage, but should I try to rebuild now that I’m sober?
Dear Abby: When I talk about my sister dying, should I reveal she took her own life?
Dear Abby: I miss my friend but her husband is too touchy feely?
See all “Dear Abby” columns
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2025, Andrews McMeel Syndication.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.