Dear Annie: I’m tired of making excuses for my husband’s immature behaviors
In today's Dear Annie column, Annie Lane weighs in on a spouse who is tired of covering for her husband's absences.
Rather than let her husband's sulking spoil her visits with the grandkids, Annie advises todays reader to enjoy her time with or without him.Getty Images
Dear Annie: My husband pouts and refuses to come with me when I visit our kids and grandkids, choosing instead to stay home watching TV and playing on his computer. I used to make excuses for him -- saying he was busy or doing chores -- but now I just tell the truth: “Grandpa’s crabby and staying home.”
His father used to fake stomachaches and headaches to get out of things, and now he’s doing the same. When he started that routine with me a few weeks ago, I called him out: “I understand you don’t want to go, but I won’t accept you lying about it. Either get moving or stop playing games.”
I’ve spent years being the accommodating, overly sweet wife who got walked all over. But I’m done. If he wants to act like a child, I’ll treat him like one. He refuses counseling -- because, of course, there’s “nothing wrong” with him.
So, should I just keep doing my own thing and let him stay home? Or is it time to consider whether I’d be happier without him? -- Tired of Making Excuses
Dear Making Excuses: You are done making excuses for him. Your letter indicated that you’ve already figured it out -- let him stay home and stop making excuses for him. If people ask where he is, simply say, “He’d rather stay home,” and leave it at that. Any further questions can go straight to him.
You can’t force someone to engage, but you can choose how much his behavior affects you. If you’re happier doing things without him, keep doing them. If his absence is making you question the relationship itself, that’s a bigger question only you can answer. Either way, don’t let his sulking control your life. He is the one missing out on precious grandchildren time.
View prior ‘Dear Annie’ columns
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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