Elon Musk’s DOGE Cronies Are up to Some Disturbing Shenanigans

The teenage DOGE employees are running amok through the federal government.
Elon Musk’s DOGE Cronies Are up to Some Disturbing Shenanigans

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Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency members have wasted no time making themselves comfortable during their efforts to take an axe to federal agencies and reshape them to the liking of tech bros, The Atlantic reported Thursday. 

One month after DOGE’s raid of USAID offices at the beginning of February, the non-agency of non-employees seems to be everywhere, or at least that’s how it feels, according to one USAID contractor. “It’s like the panopticon,” the contractor told The Atlantic. “There’s a sense that Elon Musk, through DOGE, is always watching. It has created a big sense of fear.”

While a memo barred USAID officials from returning to agency headquarters after the takeover, it made no mention of its other offices, providing a window into the goings-on of Musk’s minions. 

One USAID staffer told The Atlantic that after DOGE’s descent into her agency’s offices, she returned to find ample evidence of “activity overnight.” Some of her materials had been moved from where she left them, and there were Panera cookie wrappers strewn across her desk and in the nearby waste bin. 

“Books were open, and things had been riffled through,” another USAID staffer told the magazine. 

The impression that DOGE is always watching takes on a new meaning when considering the unprecedented level of access staffers have been granted to the offices of the agencies they’re gutting. The contractor told The Atlantic that she kept her government laptop under a pile of clothes in her closet, and her colleagues considered storing their computers in the fridge, in case DOGE was using it to spy on them.

During a town hall in Leesburg, Virginia, earlier this month, a man who identified himself as a federal worker claimed that a DOGE employee had moved into the federal building where he worked, bringing with him a wife and baby, according to The Daily Beast. 

It’s not clear where the rest of Musk’s minions reside, but DOGE headquarters, located at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, recently received a shipment of sleep pods to fuel their supposed efficiency.  

“In the last week, we had Elon Musk in our building, and after he visited the building, called for a 50 percent cut of the entire agency,” the man claimed. “My colleagues are getting 15-minute one-on-one check-ins with 19-, 20-, and 21-year old-college graduates asking to justify their existence.”

According to The Atlantic, DOGE has subjected federal employees to extensive corporate-style questioning as part of its efforts to learn even more about the staff it hopes to obliterate. 

Federal employees received short-notice invitations from nongovernmental email addresses, asking them to complete a form probing them for their recent “wins” and “blockers,” and to attend 15-minute interviews. Some people received short coding quizzes, while others were pressed to speak on their beliefs about DOGE itself. While the specific questions varied, many hit the same flavor. 

In one recording obtained by The Atlantic, an employee of the General Services Administration was asked by one of Musk’s twenty-something goons, “Like, what’s your superpower?” 

As one recently departed federal technology official wrote in a draft testimony for lawmakers, this level of access is an obvious double-edged sword. 

“At present, every hacker in the world knows there are a small number of people new to federal service who hold the keys to access all US government payments, contracts, civil servant personal info, and more,” they wrote. “DOGE is one romance scam away from a national security emergency.”

The sheer extent to which these agencies have become inundated with random tech bros may seem laughable, but the purpose of their permeation is much more sinister. 

In addition to sifting through government contracts for words such as “diversity” to put them on the chopping block (and then in an increasing number of cases, hurriedly reinstalled), Musk’s young technologists attempted to gain access to the U.S. Treasury system to stop the payments coming from USAID without having to order the agency to stop spending, according to The Atlantic. 

With a few clicks on a keyboard, DOGE has snatched the purse strings for the entire federal government out of the hands of Congress, and into the hands of the executive—or more likely, the executive’s technocrat buddy. 



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