I was pregnant with twins - I'm heartbroken I lost one, reveals Olivia Bowen

AS Olivia Bowen announced she was expecting her second child on her social media last month, she was showered with well-wishes. But behind the smiles and happiness, she was hiding a secret heartach…

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AS Olivia Bowen announced she was expecting her second child on her social media last month, she was showered with well-wishes.

But behind the smiles and happiness, she was hiding a secret heartache.

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Olivia Bowen announced she was expecting her second child on her social media last monthCredit: MARK HAYMAN

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Olivia, Alex and son Abel with their sonogram

The 31-year-old and her husband of six years, Alex, 33 – who met on series two of Love Island in 2016 – had been thrilled to find out they were expecting twins just before Christmas.

But their joy turned to sadness when they lost one of the babies at eight weeks.

In an incredibly emotional interview, Olivia shares her ordeal with Fabulous in order to help other women in a similar situation.

“Alex and I have always said we wanted to have more kids,” she explains, having welcomed their son Abel in June 2022.

“But after I had Abel, I struggled a lot postnatally.

“I had quite a traumatic long birth and had to have an episiotomy, where they cut you, as I wasn’t dilating.

“I worried it might have caused internal damage, so we weren’t in a rush to have another child and said: ‘Let’s just raise Abel and then see how it goes’.

“But in November last year, we felt really ready to try again.

“We were in Dubai and were relaxed in our happy place.

“We thought it could take a while as I’m in my 30s now, and I had this feeling that Abel was so perfect, we weren’t going to be that lucky a second time – that I didn’t deserve another baby.

Pregnant Olivia Bowen hits back at body-shamers as she shows off baby bump in sexy lingerie set

“But then just three weeks later, in December, I was pregnant.

“I couldn’t believe it.”

Olivia had taken a pregnancy test the week before, which was negative, and says she felt “gutted”.

But a week later, she took another as she realised she had one left in the pack – and it was positive.

“We had given it a good go,” she laughs.

“But I was shocked.”

Back home, the couple booked in for an early scan at six weeks.

Two of Olivia’s friends had experienced miscarriages, which had left her with worries.

“But I’m always so positive, I really tried to think everything is fine,” she says.

The couple were so confident the scan was going to be OK, they even brought one of Alex’s friends with them in the car, as they were heading out afterwards.

“Straight away, I saw two babies on the screen. I actually went: ‘What the f*** is that?’

“Of course, Alex had no clue what was going on. He probably thought it was two ovaries.

“The doctor said: ‘You are having twins. One is slightly bigger, but that’s normal and they look good.’”

I just didn’t believe it. I sat there thinking: ‘No, it’s going to come back.’

Olivia

Despite having twins in her family, Olivia never considered she would end up carrying them herself and was left in total surprise by the news, having only ever wanted two children.

“We were totally flabbergasted,” she admits. They couldn’t hold back from telling friends and family, breaking the news on Christmas Eve.

“I always believe in telling people early, because I need the extra support. Those first 12 weeks are probably the hardest, because you’re feeling sick, you feel isolated and I’m an anxious person.”

They had the happiest Christmas, preparing to become a family of five.

So, when they returned for another scan two weeks later to check the smaller baby was growing, they were blindsided by devastating news.

“As we looked at the screen, you could see that one baby was so much bigger than the other. And then the sonographer told us that the smaller baby had no heartbeat,” she says, beginning to cry.

“I just didn’t believe it. I sat there thinking: ‘No, it’s going to come back.’ And what made me more upset was seeing Alex’s face, because he had been so positive.”

Olivia had initially found the news that they were having twins a shock.

“I had struggled and had such mixed feelings. I felt lucky and happy but I was scared and anxious.

“I worried about the effect it would have on our family and I knew it was going to change my relationship with Alex.

“But he was so supportive and positive that we could cope with three kids.

“He told me: ‘We’re the kind of people that if something gets dealt to us, we’ll deal with it. We are prepared for this.’

“So, then to go from that to: ‘No, that’s not happening any more,’ was so incredibly hard. Alex was so quiet and more crushed than me. I was just numb.”

Olivia had experienced vanishing twin syndrome, which studies suggest happens in around 36% of twin pregnancies, and which doctors say is becoming more common due to the increase in IVF pregnancies, though theirs was a natural conception.

“Sometimes, I think to myself: ‘I wish we hadn’t gone for that early scan and we had never known.’ But we wanted to know everything was OK,” she says.

Alex was so quiet and more crushed than me. I was just numb.

Olivia

Olivia speaks movingly about the physical ordeal she experienced, revealing that she didn’t bleed or need an operation as is usually the case with miscarriage, and instead the embryo was absorbed back into her body.

“Knowing that the baby was still inside me was hard, though I had a scan two days ago and they told me it’s just gone. I felt relieved, but then I felt immediately guilty,” she says.

“The baby is completely gone now and I can’t see it any more. Every time I went for a scan, even though it was sad, I could see it.

“But now I can’t and it’s never coming back. What I hold on to, which is beautiful, is the baby will always be a part of me.”

Olivia says she’s struggling to deal with an overwhelming grief while she is still carrying a healthy baby.

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Olivia had been thrilled to find out she was expecting twins just before ChristmasCredit: MARK HAYMAN

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Her joy turned to sadness after she lost one of the babies at eight weeksCredit: MARK HAYMAN

“You’re mourning losing one baby and you’re so upset, but also happy because you still have one.

“I have scans every two weeks, as what happened can cause infections and I am so scared every time.

“I want to constantly check if the other baby is still there, so when I see it on the screen I am filled with joy.

“I have spoken to charities, too – like Tommys, Sands and Footprints – and I urge anyone going through this to seek them out.

“I’d love to fund-raise and help them to honour this baby going forward.”

I couldn’t brush my teeth or shower. I was a mess and couldn’t speak to anyone.

Olivia

The loss has hit Olivia, who battles with her mental health, hard.

She reveals she sank into a deep depression and struggled to function.

“I couldn’t get out of bed,” she explains.

“I couldn’t brush my teeth or shower.

“I was a mess and couldn’t speak to anyone.

“I just wanted to be asleep, but then I would feel so guilty because there was this other little baby thriving inside me that other people literally dream of having.

“I’ve never felt such extreme emotion in my life, feeling so happy and lucky and devastated and depressed at the same time.

“It felt like I was having a breakdown, that I had lost the plot.

“I try to think that the later it is, the more you bond with your baby as you see them growing and feel them moving.

“But it doesn’t really make a difference.

“It’s hard at any time.”

What is vanishing twin syndrome?

It occurs in the early stages, when one of the foetuses stops developing and is absorbed by the mother's body, or the surviving twin(s).

Because it happens so early on - typically within the first 12 weeks of gestation - many women don't realise they are carrying more than one baby.

Symptoms can be very subtle, or non-existent, but can include: cramping, bleeding and pelvic pain.

It is usually detected through routine ultrasound examinations.

The exact cause is unknown. But vanishing twin syndrome is thought to affect around 30 per cent of twin or multiple pregnancies.

Women over the age of 30 are more likely to experience it, and experts say IVF has led to an increase in multiple pregnancies, and consequently, instances of vanishing twin syndrome.

If a twin is lost, the surviving foetus or foetuses typically continue to develop normally.

Source: London Pregnancy Clinic

The loss not only affected Olivia, but put pressure on her marriage with Alex, who was grieving, too.

“He likes to speak about things once and get emotional and then he’ll bottle it up like: ‘That’s it done now.’

“Whereas I need an answer for everything that’s happened, but there are none.

“It’s just one of those things.

“But I questioned constantly what I’d done wrong.

“Did I not drink enough water?

“Did I walk too much?

“I felt like I had made it happen as I was stressed about having two babies.

“You blame yourself for what happened – I felt like I deserved all the pain and I beat myself up in my head the whole time.”

This is our last baby – I don’t want to do this again.

Olivia

Therapy has helped Olivia cope with the grief.

“Alex didn’t want to keep going over it, whereas I kept bringing it up, so that’s why I went.

“I needed someone to tell me that these thoughts were just me being nasty to myself.

“My therapist said to me: ‘Sometimes bad things happen and you have to sit in these emotions.’ And I think that’s the best thing anyone’s ever said to me.

“They also said: ‘You’re allowed to be happy about the healthy baby that you have and you’re allowed to grieve and be sad about the one that you’ve lost. They can co-exist.’

“And that just changed everything for me.”

Olivia decided to open up to Fabulous to help other women who may be going through a similar thing in their pregnancies.

“I feel like it will help me if I speak about it and it feels like I’m honouring that baby. If I hid it, I’d feel like I’d be doing a disservice,” she says.

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The couple on Love Island in 2016, where they first metCredit: shuttershock

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Alex and Olivia with their sonCredit: INSTAGRAM

Olivia gets emotional, adding: “It’s just nice to say that it was there and it was going to be part of our lives.

“I still feel a mess, but I’m glad I can make other women feel less alone.”

Determined to look for the positives, Olivia is focusing on the new baby, who is due in August, as well as her son Abel, two.

“Every time we had a scan, we just wanted to go back and give Abel the biggest cuddle,” she says.

Abel is so excited. He pats my belly and talks to the baby through my belly button. He thinks it’s a girl and I do, too.

Olivia

“It’s so weird, as I was never maternal.

“When I was on Love Island, I said I’m never getting married nor having children, and here I am expecting number two. I’m living a lie,” she laughs.

“Abel is so excited.

“He pats my belly and talks to the baby through my belly button.

“He thinks it’s a girl and I do, too, because it’s been such a different pregnancy from him.

“I’ve been so sick and have been craving spicy things like jalapeños and hot sauce.

“I would love a girl, but equally, after everything we’ve gone through, I don’t care.

“We just want a healthy baby.”

Alex and Olivia are planning on finding out the sex, especially as they are currently struggling with names for boys.

“We didn’t find out with Abel, but this is our last baby.

“After everything, I don’t want to do this again, though we were always planning for two.

“We’ve got a girl’s name – I’ve had it in my notes for years – but we have no boys’ names.

“It will be nice to get organised and decorate.”

Oliva looks beautiful on our shoot and more confident in herself.

She recently shared a snap of herself online in lingerie, looking hotter than ever.

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Olivia showing off her pregnancy glowCredit: INSTAGRAM

But she shakes her head at any suggestion that she’s a sexy mama.

“I was so bloated at the start.

“I burped every two seconds in the first three weeks and had the worst indigestion.

“But I feel like I’m now coming out the other side.

“It’s funny, when you have a pregnant belly, you feel more confident.

“I don’t know why that is, though perhaps you breathe a sigh of relief that society suddenly accepts that you have a belly.”

Olivia previously struggled with her body image after having Abel.“I used to hide myself from Alex,” she says.

“I was not happy for a long time.

“It’s weird that suddenly, when you don’t have the baby in there, it’s not acceptable [to have a belly] again.

“You have to bounce back.”

We have rows like the best of them, but we’re each other’s person.

Olivia

But this time, she is determined to be proud of what her body is doing and the strength it is showing.

“This part of my life, having babies, is going to be over after this one.

“I will never experience a positive test again or pregnancy again.

“I should be making the most of every minute.

“After having that traumatic experience, I’m like: ‘No, I need to enjoy this regardless of whether it’s hard or difficult.’

“So, yeah, like, f*** it, be confident.”

Since Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury split last year, Olivia and Alex have been topping polls as the most successful Love Island couple ever, but what is the secret to making their relationship work?

After all, this experience has given them one of the biggest tests of their lives.

“It’s been a really hard month and I’ve not been easy to live with,” Olivia confesses.

“But Alex always says: ‘No matter how much you annoy me, I’m not leaving you.’

“He’s so impatient with day-to-day things, but with me, he has the patience of a saint.

“We have been together nearly 10 years and we’ve changed a lot, but we always meet back in the middle and are each other’s constant.

“We’re so lucky that we found each other,” she says smiling.

“We have our issues, but we will stick together through thick and thin.

“We’re kind of old-fashioned in that way.

“We live in a world where you can get bored and drop things and move on.

“But if something goes wrong, we fix it.

“We have rows like the best of them, but we know that we’re each other’s person and we won’t give up.”

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Olivia and Alex snapped at an event last yearCredit: getty

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