Kieran Culkin’s Acceptance Speech Showed Why He’s Been the Best Part of This Oscar Season
Let us give thanks for the actor who’s been sweeping the awards while making fun of them.
A lot has happened this awards season, but the best thing about these past few months of producers, actors, and directors shilling their pictures as the best thing in modern cinema has been, without a doubt, Kieran Culkin. More specifically, Culkin’s award speeches have provided a much needed respite from the drama of this awards circuit, as he swept virtually all of this season’s Best Supporting Actor awards for his performance as the free spirit who joins his cousin (Jesse Eisenberg) on a Jewish heritage tour through Poland in A Real Pain. Culkin has long been known for portraying, as his Wiki page aptly puts it, “distasteful yet sympathetic characters” very similar to his actual persona, which, in interviews and public appearances, has proven to be as sardonic and unpredictable as his most famous characters. Even when Culkin got choked up for finally winning an Emmy in 2023 for his turn as Roman Roy in HBO’s hit Succession, he shocked everyone when he ended his speech by telling his wife he wants more children.The following year, when he won his first Golden Globe for the same performance, he began his speech by noting that he was suppressing a burp, confessed to his wife “I’ve blown it already, Jazz, you were right,” and then capped it all off by telling fellow nominee Pedro Pascal, “Suck it, Pedro!”
This time around, while accepting trophy after trophy for A Real Pain, the actor has repeatedly zagged where most winners zig, delivering unto us a beautiful run of fidgety thank-yous that, rather than touting the importance of his work or his movie, have tended to make fun of the exact institutions and people who had gotten him there to that podium. Plus, anyone he knows … or seemingly anyone just generally in his line of sight. And whether you think it’s genuine that he hilariously stumbles through these acceptances off-script or believe it’s all an act, it doesn’t change the fact that the people love it—and seemingly no one more than the people in the room whom he’s ridiculing. Now that this streak has reached its culmination and Culkin’s freak flag must once again furl, let’s salute his cheekiest acceptance speeches.
Oversharing at the Golden Globes
On Jan. 5, Culkin opened up his Golden Globe acceptance speech by revealing that he and his wife “did a shot of tequila with Mario Lopez,” which he copped to “definitely feeling” at that moment. Culkin then got a little earnest, explaining that the first recognition he got as an actor was from the Golden Globes when he “was basically a kid,” which “meant a lot, so this has a special place.” Now, to Culkin, the Globes are “the best date night” he and his wife “ever have,” so he thanked the “Golden Globe people,” saying “you guys are nuts!” When he got the signal to wrap it up (or as he put it, “piss off”), he began to bring things to a close by thanking his wife for “putting up with” what she calls his “mania,” though that comment then sent Culkin him on a stream-of-consciousness tangent about therapy. He’s working on it, he promises!
Some Unexpected Thanks at the New York Film Critics Circle
On Jan. 8, when Culkin accepted the New York Film Critics Circle award, he started by thanking his onetime Igby Goes Down co-star, Claire Danes, who introduced him: “That was incredibly kind, I wish I was listening.” He went on to explain what leads him to these sorts of comments: He doesn’t plan what to say because it “just makes him nervous for days.” This also helps explain what followed, in which he told a brief anecdote involving Danny, his driver on the way to the ceremony, who suggested Culkin thank Danny’s own boss, a man named Jeff. Culkin acknowledged it as “a weird request” but decided “yeah fuck it,” before going all in: “I’d like to thank Jeff Kaplan and his wife Beth at EZ Ryder, and their terrific staff of drivers. Danny, of course, Shane, Tony, Zane. If I’m forgetting any names, I’m sorry—Manny! Can’t forget Manny.” It isn’t until he finished the bit that he wondered aloud about who else to “fucking thank.” The answer: “Probably the critics, right?”
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On Feb. 23, upon winning the SAG award, Culkin did a whole bit about the metaphorical and literal weight of the “incredibly heavy award.” It’s so heavy, he noted, that the SAGs provided the statuette its own little table, because “I don’t think there’s any way anyone can hold this for 45 seconds—which is the allotted time Adrien Brody, 45 seconds.” But he immediately backtracked: “There was no reason to take that shot. I love you, it’s a joke. You take your time. Lord knows I will because I didn’t think of anything.” Culkin pivoted to joking about actors’ egos, commenting on the irony that “the heaviest of all awards is the one that’s given by actors. It’s like, you know, us, what we do, mmm [it] means so much.” After all of this, Culkin used his remaining time to thank Jesse Eisenberg’s sister, Hallie, saying that Jesse, who didn’t know Culkin’s work, only cast him because Hallie said he should, adding that Eisenberg “puts a lot of faith in her, which is really sweet, but dumb.”
Making an Unusual Request of His Wife at the Oscars
Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without mention of Culkin’s final speech: his Oscars acceptance speech. Because Culkin’s past slew of wins painted him as a lock to win the big prize, many looked forward to what the actor would say when he got on stage and held the golden man. Culkin didn’t disappoint—after stumbling his way through what looked like a handful of bleeped out F-bombs, the actor referred back to his 2023 Emmys speech, when he asked his wife, Jazz, for another kid. Except this time, he doubled down.
Honorable Mention: British Academy Film Awards
While Culkin couldn’t attend the BAFTAs on Feb. 16, Eisenberg accepted the award for him, carrying on Culkin’s shtick: “I know I just won an award, but this is also like the 5th award I’ve accepted on Kieran’s behalf. So it confirms what I always thought, [which] is that we have a similar life but his is about 27 percent better than mine.” Eisenberg took a brief swerve into sincerity to explain that Culkin wasn’t at the ceremony because he needed to be with his family, before closing with the kind of back-handed thank-you that would have made his co-star proud: “He’s one of these people who’s brilliantly talented but who for some random luck of the cosmos has his priorities in order.”
Rebecca Onion
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