'I know the horror of Jamie's crime in Adolescence - I was one of those boys'

Chilling four-part drama Adolescence tells the story of every parent's worst nightmare. But as reformed convict Stuart Hawkins knows from personal experience, the issues of violence and toxic masculinity are all too real and need to be addressed head-on

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Adolescence: Stephen Graham stars in Netflix trailer

Netflix drama Adolescence has become the most talked-about TV show of the year so far, and for reformed convict Stuart Hawkins, the show's hard-hitting issues strike a chord.

The highly topical series tells the story of 13-year-old killer Jamie in a standout, menacing performance from newcomer Owen Cooper. At first, much like Jamie's bewildered family, viewers cannot believe that the baby-faced teen could be capable of brutally killing his classmate, Katie.

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But over the course of four impactful episodes, co-writers Jack Thorne and Stephen Graham delve into exactly how a seemingly ordinary boy from a caring home can end up walking such a dark path, warped by twisted online influences and a pervasive culture of toxic masculinity.

It's a road that Stuart, now 47, can relate to all too well. In his younger years, the Leicester man struggled to control his emotions and ended up serving seven years behind bars, unable to see his own daughter. He's since managed to turn his life around and now dedicates himself to helping troubled young men redirect their rage while finding a sense of purpose and community.

READ MORE:Adolescence star Stephen Graham to meet with MPs following impact of Netflix show

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Stuart now mentors young boys through the charity A Band Of Brothers, which seeks to provide teens in the criminal justice system with the support they need to make the transition to a crime-free adulthood, drawing from his own painful experiences.

At the age of 38, Stuart split with his partner, who he claims had an affair, and took out a non-molestation order. He claims he was unable to see his 40-month-old daughter. He breached his order several times, suffered a mental breakdown, and soon landed himself in prison.

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Stuart found himself struggling to deal with his emotions, not realising at the time he had autism. "I had no means to regulate my emotions," he shared. "After asking to see my daughter three times, I found myself in prison. I had so little support from police, anybody.

"I had 11 separate sentences for asking to see my daughter. Non-violent harassment. I was happy with my life, and it all came tumbling down, and I didn't have the emotional resilience to be able to deal with it. My journey from those seven years I did in prison was trying to rebuild my house, the foundations were broken, everything. It took me years to rebuild my life. My life has transitioned to something I never thought it could be."

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Whilst in prison, Stuart expressed his views to the governor that inmates needed better mental health support to break a cycle of reoffending. His suggestion of yoga and meditation classes was approved, which had a transformative effect on his mental well-being.

Stuart was particularly helped by Dr Sarah Lewis, the Director of Penal Reform Solutions, a unique organisation that aims to reduce social harm and promote social good by transforming the culture of correctional settings, providing preventative, long-term strategies to embed change.

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He learnt four crucial behavioural pillars that he now swears by: don't take anything personally, be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions, and always be your honourable best. He teaches these frameworks to the young boys he works with.

"These people saw me as somebody different and saw me for what I was able to achieve rather than what I've done in the past," he said. Stuart now goes into prisons to connect with offenders looking for support and receives referrals from the charity.

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Drawing on his own experiences of struggling to deal with his emotions while battling an overbearing feeling of being lost, Stuart repeatedly encounters struggling young boys without a purpose. He says the issue is largely down to a lack of emotional intelligence, which leads to poor decision-making, and that it stems from a decades-long vicious cycle of men believing they have to suppress their emotions.

"Most of the men I work with come from generational communities where they haven't had the support and guidance that's needed," he told the Mirror. "A lot of what's been going on in the news recently in regards to toxic masculinity, this has been ingrained for generations.

"And I think it's only starting to come to light now that, actually, masculinity isn't about being overaggressive. It isn't about suppressing your emotions. Real masculinity is about being vulnerable. It's about being openness, about being supportive. It's about listening.

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"Communities have been breaking down probably after the war, since the 1950s. Men generally don't know how to act, and what they've been shown from generations in the past is to be a man, you have to be stoic, you have to be aggressive, you do not show your emotions, you do not ask for help.

"But these are the things that eat away at you inside. If you're not releasing your emotions, you're holding onto the shame, the guilt, and the fear, and long-term, this creates bad decision-making and relationship breakdown. But this isn't just a relationship breakdown with family. Your actions do affect the community around you."

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He continued: "I think a lot of people say that it comes down to families, and parents need to be more vigilant about what's being looked at on the internet, but with a lot of the parents, they themselves aren't emotionally intelligent. They haven't grown, so they're not in a position where they can give support to their child because, emotionally, they're in the same space.

"Especially in the deprived communities where there isn't the education and the support and the financial ability to be able to escape that environment. What you find is culturally, the people in those environments generally feed off each other. This is the biggest problem and why it's a community issue."

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If this was always the case, why does it appear so prevalent now? Stuart believes that while there has been a culture of 'men will be men', they once had safe spaces to communicate and socialise, even if it wasn't in the healthiest of ways, such as down the pub, which doesn't happen as often anymore.

Now, amid the cost of living crisis and accessibility of the internet, many young men remain indoors, alone. "Communities, to a degree, self-regulated themselves," he said. "But what I find now is that communities are divided. Cultural places where we did meet are not so readily available, especially for the lower classes. People are just doing what they want to do, and they're not being held accountable by their neighbours and by their community. And over time, what's happened is that's become the norm.

"The internet is just a platform for people to spread their views, whether it's toxic masculinity or any sort of hate crime. I don't think we can blame the platform, it's individuals making their decisions because they don't know what it means to be a healthy man. They're acting out bad decisions on a global platform, which spreads and infects, and the reason it spreads is that nobody is around those people telling them, 'This isn't right, and this is wrong. And I'm going to show you by example how it is to live to be a man'."

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The UK has seen a number of cases recently where young men have carried out despicable crimes with online influences creeping into their depraved fantasies. This week, gaming-obsessed triple killer Nicholas Prosper was jailed for life and will spend at least 49 years behind bars for murdering his mother, Juliana Falcon, 48, and siblings, Giselle Prosper, 13, and Kyle Prosper, 16, in a vile rampage at their family home in Luton. The court heard of 19-year-old Prosper's disturbing online activities prior to the attack, which included advocating for paedophilia and necrophilia and taking a morbid interest in content showing extreme violence.

Much like Prosper appeared to have identity issues, Stuart says lots of young men he meets are 'lost' in life. "When you don't know who you are or where you going, loneliness and isolation become a major factor," he explained. The expert also says neurodiversity can be a factor at play, with men struggling to know how to handle their emotions. He says he comes across a lot of cases of undiagnosed conditions.

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"There are a lot of mental health problems at play, drug and alcohol addictions, there are so many things, but all this trauma generally leads to isolation," he said. "And I think with men, because we don't reach out, it's very difficult to find where to go, so for organisations like A Band Of Brothers to open the door to that, it changes their lives."

A Band Of Brothers is a charitable organisation of older men who work with young men aged between 18 to 25, who have been through the criminal justice system and/or live with mental health issues. There are currently groups in Manchester, Leamington, Bristol, Portsmouth, Eastbourne, Brighton, Crawley, Cornwall, Oxford and Hastings, and they're always on the lookout for volunteers.

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Stuart, who spends a couple of hours a day mentoring young men, revealed: "It starts off with that connection. From there, it's goal setting. It's helping them understand who they want to be and who they perceive themselves to be. That's the first step. But when it comes down to anger and shame and ego and all of these things, through A Band Of Brothers, we have we do shadow work, which recognises the trauma that that persons go with, where the negative emotions have come from.

"When you genuinely deal with the trauma, there isn't space for those negative emotions anymore. You've let them go. There are many healthy ways to release anger. One of the things we suggest is to use a heavy ball or a rock and throw it to the ground. Through this process, we're able to release the anger. We're able to express it verbally and physically, which is a means to healthily let that anger go. And that is just a part of the work that we do."

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Those supported through A Band Of Brothers can access the organisation's rites of passage weekends, a 12-week mentoring programme, and weekly sharing circles. Here, with the help of volunteers, "young men learn how to express their grief" while learning "what lies underneath that lostness, or that anger."

Stuart says: "They come into the process often from situations where they don't have a father figure in their lives, and also where they profoundly distrust other men - our competitive society creates this situation, they meet each other with distrust - and they learn to trust."

According to Stuart, this "creates a huge shift in the way they operate in the world". He added: "They often say to me, when I interview them, that they would do anything for the other abob men, and they consider them their brothers. Through this newfound trust, they understand that being in service is the key to having a purpose in this world. And they then want to serve other men. It's a holistic circle of work."

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abandofbrothers is a charity group of older men who work with young men (18-25) who are involved with the criminal justice system and/or have mental health issues. They do transformative mentoring and rites of passage. abandofbrothers are always interested in connecting to young men who are interested in doing this work or older men who would like to be mentors. If you would like to get involved or donate, contact them through abandofbrothers.org.uk

Do you have a story to share? Email me at saffron.otter@reachplc.com

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